If using a vibrator feels great when you’re alone, it can be even more intense during partner sex. Just be sure to use lubricant, and always clean your toy. This prevents bacteria, fungi and mold from growing inside it.
Vibrators can be used to stimulate the clitoral hood, glans and vulva. Some can even be used during oral sex.
Start Slowly
When you’re using a vibrator for the first time, it is always a good idea to start off slowly. Play with it on your own before using it on a partner so you can become familiar with the toy and its settings. This can help you get used to the way it feels, and it can also make the transition to partner sex much smoother. This is especially important if you live with roommates, small children, or thin walls that can muffle sound.
You’ll also want to make sure you’re in the mood for stimulation with a vibrator. Watch porn, read erotica, fantasize—whatever you like to do to get in the mood. If you’re not, you may find that the toy is too intense or even painful.
Once you’re ready to use the vibrator, it’s a good idea to start with an orgasm-inducing area like the clitoris. Then, move on to the vaginal opening and clitoral ridge. Many women have one side of the clitoris that’s more responsive to vibration than the other, so take your time and experiment.
Remember to use lubricant as well. Fleming and Stewart both recommend applying it to the toy itself as well as your genitals to keep you from getting too irritated or overstimulated. Plus, lubricant will make it feel more enjoyable to use the toy and can increase the amount of orgasms you experience.
Use Lubricant
A good quality lubricant helps reduce friction between your partner and the vibrator. It also increases comfort and can add to the pleasure of a toy. “If you’re new to using a vibrator, you might want to start out with just a small amount of lubricant,” Fleming says. Then, add more if it feels good. You can even use whatever lubricant you generally use on your body—a water-based one works best with silicone vibrators to avoid degrading the material.
If the toy has a range of speeds, try starting slow and working your way up. “It’s a great way to learn if the vibration is intense enough for you,” Laino says.
Vibrators come in many shapes and sizes, but some are specifically designed for clitoral stimulation. They’re often angled so the curved end can be pressed against the clitoris and vulva, which can feel heavenly for some people, especially when used with a lot of lube.
A bullet or wand-style vibrator can be positioned outside of the vagina for anal, or inside the G-spot (where the clitoris meets the vulva). It can be stimulated by touching it to the vulva and running it along the length of the glans or hood, but if you have the right amount of lube, you can press it hard into the head of the clitoral hood, which can lead to arousal and orgasms.
Be Prepared
It’s important to be in the right mindset before trying out your new toy. If you’re feeling stressed, thinking about work or the kids, or just not really turned on, you might have a difficult time enjoying yourself. You can always increase the intensity of the vibrations later, but you want to start slow and make sure you’re comfortable with what you’re doing.
You should also get familiar with the different speeds on your vibrator, and if it has more than one setting, play around with each to see what feels best. Also, make sure to use plenty of lube (preferably water-based) on the end of your toy and on the area you’re stimulating. And finally, remember that vibrators aren’t just for oral sex (or penetrative sex, for that matter). Try putting it in the mouth and tongue for extra sensations during cunnilingus or inserting it into the vagina for more excitement during foreplay.
Once you’ve gotten used to the feel of your vibrator, it’s possible to have multiple orgasms in a single session. To do this, bring yourself close to orgasm but don’t push yourself over the edge, sex therapist Sari Cooper previously told Well+Good. This technique is called edging and helps you build up to bigger, more exciting sensations. It’s also a great way to encourage your partner to take the lead.
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask
If you’re unsure what to do or afraid of feeling uncomfortable, don’t be afraid to ask your partner for help. “If you’re having trouble with a certain position or aren’t getting the sensation you want, it’s fine to let your partner know and allow them to change things up,” says Eilber.
Another important thing to remember when using a vibrator, especially with a new partner, is that it’s possible to become desensitized. This can happen if you use the same type and intensity of vibration every time, as well as when you have sex with a vibrator for an extended period of time.
Some vibrators, like bullets and wands, are designed to stimulate the clitoral hood or g-spot with any motion, whether you’re running it along the length of your clitoral hood, tapping it against the glans (head) of your clitoris, or simply holding it in place pressed against your clitoris or vulva area. If you’re worried about becoming desensitized, try mixing up the types and intensity of vibration you use or allowing yourself to have sex without a vibrator at all for a while.
Vibrators are an excellent way to increase arousal and may even help you achieve orgasm. While many women use vibrators in solo play, they can also be a fun and memorable accessory to bring into partnered sex. Just be sure to have a conversation about how it’s going to be used ahead of time so your partner knows not to surprise you and don’t be afraid to speak up if you’re uncomfortable or hurt at any point.
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