How to Use a Vibrator During Sex

A vibrator can help to heighten arousal, get you in the mood for sex, inspire explorations with your partner, enhance oral sex and penetrative sex, and even intensify orgasms. It’s important to choose the right toy and use a quality lubricant for best results.

And it’s important to communicate with your partner about when and how to use the vibrator.

Use it during penetrative sex.

When you’re ready to try your vibrator in the bedroom with your partner, start with some foreplay. Apply vibrations in light circles around erogenous zones, such as the neck, nipples, balls, inner thighs, and behind the ears. You’ll want to make sure you have a good amount of lube in your hands, too, so that the toy slides and glides effortlessly across the skin.

Next, move to the genitals. According to Billy Beyer, founder of luxury sex toy brand Lickerish Love, a little bit goes a long way when it comes to stimulating the clitoris with a vibrator during sex. “Just a little bit of stimulation in the right spot can give people orgasms,” he says.

During penetration, have your partner hold the vibrator against their clitoris. That will combine vaginal and clitoral stimulation, which can lead to an orgasm that is both intense and lasting.

If your partner shuts down the idea of using a vibrator during sex, that may be a sign of something deeper than a misunderstanding about what to expect. Consider taking a closer look at their sexual needs and what they value about the relationship.

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Use it during oral sex.

Vibrators aren’t just for penetrative sex, they can be used to enhance sensations during oral sex as well. If your partner enjoys oral stimulation, press a vibrator against their cheek or tongue for an extra sensory experience. This technique works especially well during cunnilingus or reverse cowgirl sex.

Another great way to use a vibrator is to stimulate the clitoris. Over 36 percent of women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm during intercourse and this is one of the best ways to get it. If your partner is game, they can hold a vibrator against their clitoral hood while lying on their back and trail it across their body before bringing it into their vagina to tingle the inner walls.

The nipples, stomach, inner thighs and legs, testicles, shaft, and perineum are also erogenous zones that respond to vibration. Applying light circular massages to these areas can stimulate orgasms for both men and women.

While using a vibrator during sex may feel taboo to some, it’s important to remember that it can help couples reach orgasms faster and more safely. If your partner is adamantly against trying a vibrator with you, it might be worth exploring their reasons for that resistance. It could be a sign of their subconscious biases or fear of sexual inadequacy that’s blocking them from enjoying the benefits of this technology.

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Use it during penetration.

There’s a long-held myth that vibrators are only for pre-sex kink, but they can actually be very useful during penetration. “By teasing and stimulating the area around her clitoris before reaching directly for it, you can increase blood flow and make it exponentially more pleasureful when you do finally get to it,” says Schreck.

If your partner is resistant to using a vibrator, be patient and let them warm up to the idea. Don’t make them feel like they’re in the wrong for wanting to use a sex toy during intercourse; that kind of judgment can hurt. Ultimately, if they’re unwilling to use one, that may be an indication that they prefer to focus on their own pleasure and don’t value yours as much.

Don’t be afraid to experiment with different positions and erogenous zones, either. For instance, Corrado suggests sucking your partner’s nipples while the vibrator runs (on a low setting at first): the back-and-forth motion combined with the vibration is a surefire recipe for orgasms.

You can also place the toy on a erogenous area that you know feels good for your partner, such as behind their ears or on the small of their back. Then, once they’re ready, bury the tip of the toy in their vagina and slowly move it up the sphincter, increasing the pressure as you go.

Use it during clitoral stimulation.

The clitoral hood is a little flap of skin that covers your clitoris, and it’s another place where light contact with a vibrator can be super satisfying. If you and your partner want to experiment with this area, try alternating between using the clitoral hood with your mouth (or even just your hand) and then with a vibrator that’s positioned on the head of the penis. Then, switch to different settings and speeds to create a sensory avalanche that will surely get your toes clenching.

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Another erogenous zone that often gets overlooked is the frenulum, which is the ridge that connects your foreskin to the head of your penis, Beyer tells POPSUGAR. Then, just like the rest of the penis, the frenulum can respond to vibration with intense pleasure. Just be sure to use a light touch with a vibrator here so that you don’t push yourself too hard or make your partner uncomfortable.

As always, be sure to wash your vibrator between uses with warm water and soap. And always use a body-safe lubricant to reduce friction and avoid any discomfort. Plus, it’s a good idea to add a condom on top of your vibrator to protect against STIs. Just be sure to only use condoms made of non-porous, medical-grade silicone, so that you don’t risk damaging your beloved toy.

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