Most vibrators come with multiple speeds and settings, so start at the lowest setting and work your way up to what feels good to you. And, always use a lubricant, especially when trying out new toys or with a partner.
Use a vibrator for oral stimulation during foreplay or to stimulate the clitoris during vaginal penetration. You can also use it on other areas of the body like the neck, nipples, and inner thigh.
1. Get in the Mood
Vibrators can be a fun accessory to sex and a great way to add some extra pleasure to masturbation. They can also become a key player in partner sex, either as an extra boost of pleasure to get you to orgasm or as a way to bring you together with your partner on an emotional level and increase intimacy. Whether you’re using your vibrator solo or with a partner, there are some tips and tricks to make it a smooth, enjoyable experience.
First and foremost, take the time to learn your new toy, experts say. That means washing it, checking the user manual for instructions, and if you have it, reading reviews on websites like Oh Joy Sex Toy or A Roll In The Hay to see what other users have experienced. It’s also a good idea to try out the toy on other parts of your body, such as your arms or thighs, before you begin stimulating your vaginal area with it.
If you’re using a vibrator with a partner, make sure to introduce it gradually and use it with lube. You want to have a smooth, seamless experience with the toy, and nothing sucks pleasure quite like friction. Plus, lube helps prevent irritation and keeps you comfortable as you play. If your experience is uncomfortable in any way, readjust the settings or stop.
2. Make it a Conversation
A vibrator can be a fun addition to partnered sex, but you may have to work at getting your partner comfortable with the idea. It’s important to broach the conversation in a non-threatening way so that your partner doesn’t feel defensive or uncomfortable. For example, you could mention seeing a vibrator in a magazine or mentioning that a friend has one and enjoys it. You can even surprise your partner by shopping for a vibrator together so they have time to play with it and become familiar with the settings before bringing it out during sex.
It’s also helpful to pick a neutral time to have the conversation, such as after dinner or during some other pleasant post-dinner ritual. You don’t want to bring up the topic during an argument or when you are feeling particularly emotional. You can also bring it up by casually dropping a not-so-subtle hint, such as mentioning how much you love your partner’s masturbation or that you think they might secretly want to try edging (a sexual technique involving gradually getting close to someone before backing away and building them back up again).
If your partner isn’t interested in trying a vibrator, don’t force the issue. You have your own reasons for wanting to experiment with toys, and your partner has their own reasons for not wanting to explore them. Listen to their concerns and if possible compromise. If you’re both open to it, there are many great sex toys to choose from and there will be plenty of opportunities to use them together in the future.
3. Let Your Partner Take Over
When you’re ready to bring the vibrator into partnered sex, it can be fun to experiment with different ways to use it. But remember, it may take a little time to figure out what works for you and your partner.
If using a vibrator for pleasure is new for your partner, start with a gentle touch. “It’s always better to begin with a very light touch, especially on erogenous zones such as the nipples, balls, and inner thighs,” a spokesperson for luxury toy brand Lickerish Love tells POPSUGAR. “From there, you can move the vibe to other parts of your body and increase pressure.”
For example, a person with a penis could hold their vibrator against their cheek during oral sex, where the wetness and gentle rumbles can feel unexpectedly satisfying. Or, a guy can use a vibrator to massage the sensitive frenulum, which is located just under his head. For a girl, a small vibe like a bullet can be used to stimulate her clitoris during missionary intercourse.
If you’re both experienced with vibrators, try bringing it into sex by lying in a fetal-ish position with your partner on top of you. You can even try spooning while controlling the vibrator together, which is pretty hot. Just make sure to use a condom, since STIs can be transmitted via a vibrator.
4. Try Something New
If you and your partner are comfortable with using vibrators together, try adding a new element of pleasure. For example, if you have a vibe meant to stimulate the clitoris, have your partner run it across the length of the clitoral hood or tap it against the glans. It can add another level of sensation, and you can work up to climax more easily in positions like reverse cowgirl or spooning.
Likewise, try different ways to use a vibrator on your own. You can start by warming it between your legs and stroking gently, with the vibration mode off. Then you can turn it on and explore where it feels good, whether that’s the clitoral hood, the G-spot or the vulva area.
And finally, don’t forget to add lubrication to your toy and to yourself. A little bit of lube can help prevent irritation and overstimulation. The type of lube you choose is up to you but whatever you choose, make sure you apply it liberally.
Navigating your first vibrator can be confusing, but it doesn’t have to be. By taking a few tips from the pros, you can feel more comfortable exploring your sexual pleasure with a vibrator. It may take a few tries to find your groove, but it’s well worth it. And once you have a handle on how to enjoy your vibe, it can become a regular part of your sexual life.
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