Vibrators aren’t just the toys of a raunchy night out or the secret to later-in-life intimacy. They can help with arousal, lubrication and even orgasm.
But when it comes to pleasure products, older women are under-represented—especially online. That’s why gynecologist Lauren Streicher is on a mission to get women over 50 talking about vibrators with their doctors.
Clitoral Stimulators
For women in their later decades, the clitoris can be sensitive as hormone levels drop. This can impact arousal and lubrication, but there are toys that can help. This hands-free vibrator has two thin “wings” that fit under the labia for hands-free clitoral stimulation. It has multiple speeds and a USB charging dock. It’s also waterproof and can be used during shower sex.
Several older participants in Dubinskaya’s study reported orgasming for the first time while using a vibrator. However, she warns that it’s crucial to be gentle and start slow. “You can hurt yourself by being too aggressive,” she says. She advises that a small amount of foreplay with fingers, lips and tongues is helpful for stimulating the clitoris and stimulating your partner. It’s also important to hydrate and use a lubricant with your clitoral stimulator.
It’s not every day you see a sex toy on a TV show, but last year, Netflix drew viewers in with Grace and Frankie, a sitcom that follows two unlikely roommates as they conceptualize, prototype and focus-group a vibrator that’s designed for and marketed specifically to elderly users. While Lawless and Price agree that a sex toy made specifically for older adults (like the Menage a Moi) might be a good idea, they say there are existing products out there that meet most of the needs of seniors.
Kegel Balls
Known as Ben-Wa balls, these weighted rings are meant to be inserted into the vagina and squeezed for five seconds with five second breaks. The exercises help build the pelvic floor muscles, which can alleviate a number of painful conditions, including pelvic organ prolapse, back pain, and incontinence. They’re also known to increase intimate sensations and orgasms.
There are a wide variety of Kegel balls on the market, with some ranging from inexpensive to high-end models that include features such as an app pairing and biofeedback. Some have a flared base to make it easier for women to insert and remove them. It’s important to always clean your Kegel balls before and after each use to prevent the introduction of harmful bacteria that can cause infections.
A cheap option is the Lelo Luna Beads, which are designed for comfortable insertion and come in sets of two to allow for a gradual increase in weight. These aren’t as durable as our top picks, but they’re a good choice for anyone on a budget who wants to get started with Kegel exercises.
A more premium option is the Elvie trainer, which was designed by pelvic floor physical therapists to fit comfortably and is compatible with popular fitness apps. It uses vibrational patterns to guide users through strengthening programs, which increases in intensity over time. The ring is made from silky body-safe silicone, and it comes with two different weight options to accommodate beginners and advanced users.
Non-Gripping Toys
In some cases, the best vibrator for older women is one that doesn’t require much of a grip. For those with arthritis or a weak handshake, a small lightweight sex toy can be easier to hold and operate than a heavier, larger device.
Luckily, there are many options on the market that are easy to grab and hold. The Dame Fin, for example, is shaped like a smooth gemstone and grooves on both sides to fit between fingers (think of holding a cigarette). It also features a clitoral stimulator attachment, a satin pouch for discreet storage, and a USB charging cable.
This toy is a great option for anyone who wants to try out a vibrator for the first time. It has a range of buzzy vibration patterns that build from gentle to intense, so you can start slowly and gradually increase intensity to enjoy longer pleasure sessions. It’s also discreet enough to take with you on trips or to a friend’s house for partner play.
Some women experience changes in the vulva and vagina as they age that can make penetrative sex difficult or painful. For this reason, a variety of products are available for seniors to enjoy non-penetrative pleasure, such as vibrating nipple massagers and hollow dildos. These toys can be used alone or with a partner to soothe and stimulate.
Massage Wands
For back pain relief, a massage wand is a great option. This type of wand uses high percussive force to reach intense knots in your back muscles, just like a massage therapist would do in deep-tissue massage. They typically have long ergonomic handles to help you reach your back with ease. They’re also incredibly powerful and can induce orgasms in many women, including some who never had an orgasm before.
Wand vibes are often made of ABS plastic (or a similar sturdy material), and the head may be covered with vinyl (usually chlorine-free) to soften and smooth your intimate areas. Most are not waterproof, so it’s important to wipe down the wand’s surface regularly with baby or sexy wipes and 10% bleach-solution or 70% isopropyl alcohol to sanitize.
You can also find wands with different textures on the head for additional sensual play. For example, one former Strategist senior writer purchased a small wand with multiple heated massage modes. She found it relaxing, especially after a long day of work and home schooling.
While most wands come with just a few varied attachments, you can purchase more from various makers. These include a variety of ring-shaped “mouse” attachments to fit the gold standard Magic Wand, as well as various body-safe silicone attachments from companies such as Lovense, Pleasure Works, BMS Factory, and more.
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