Sometimes it can be hard to accept when your partner falls asleep after sex. It can feel like a rejection of your love and attention.
But this isn’t necessarily true. He may just be very tired after sex. He could also be secreting the sleep-inducing hormone prolactin. There are other reasons as well.
1. Oxytocin
It’s not a coincidence that we feel sleepy after sex. It’s due to a whole host of hormones secreted by the brain that cause us to feel drowsy and calm after making love with our partner. This makes sex more enjoyable and helps you to get better quality sleep.
Both men and women release oxytocin after reaching orgasm, which has been nicknamed the “love hormone.” Oxytocin causes feelings of affection and contentment and also reduces stress levels. It also increases the production of melatonin, a chemical that regulates our body clocks and causes us to feel relaxed and drowsy. Other hormones released during sex include prolactin, vasopressin, and serotonin, which all promote a calming, almost narcotic effect.
For committed couples or married couples, the hormones oxytocin and prolactin can promote a sense of closeness that can make you feel like cuddling. This is especially true when you have kids, and it’s one of the reasons why some women find themselves falling asleep in the bedroom more often than their partners.
But what about if you’re not a committed couple? In this case, the reason you may fall asleep before your partner is likely to be a form of self-defense. You may be subconsciously avoiding any commitment conversations that could ruin the mood. Alternatively, it might be a way to protect yourself from the resentment that can rise when one partner feels drowsy after sex and is able to nod off while the other is left wanting more.
2. Caffeine
If you’ve ever seen a movie in which a couple falls into a deep sleep after their bedtime sex, you probably assumed that the slumber was a natural part of the post-intercourse experience. And while it’s true that sex is often exhausting, there are also a host of other chemical and psychological reasons that can cause men and women to fall asleep after sex. To understand why this happens, INSIDER talked to University of Florida psychology professor and sex expert Dr. Laurie Mintz, sex therapist and Men’s Health sleep advisor Debra Laino, and clinical sexologist and certified sexuality educator Lawrence Siegel.
One reason people are so sleepy after sex is that the body releases a cocktail of chemicals during orgasm, including norepinephrine, serotonin, vasopressin, and nitric oxide. This helps to calm the sympathetic nervous system — which is associated with a fight-or-flight response — and activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which is linked to a relaxed state.
Similarly, the hormone prolactin suppresses dopamine, a neurotransmitter that makes us feel awake. The combination of these chemicals and the fact that sex typically takes place in the evening, when our bodies are naturally drowsy, can cause both men and women to fall asleep after sex.
3. Stress
Women and men are both more likely to fall asleep after sex. This is because the human body naturally has a tendency to sleep after experiencing stress. During sex, the brain releases a variety of chemicals and hormones including oxytocin, prolactin, gamma amino butyric acid, and endorphins. This causes a natural high which can help the brain calm down and prepare for sleep.
Another reason why some people tend to sleep after sex is because of their natural inclination to bond with their partner. In addition, women are more likely to feel a rush of emotions after sex which can cause them to become emotional. This can lead to a desire for intimacy which can make sex more appealing.
If you notice that your partner falls asleep after sex, don’t be offended. This is normal and has nothing to do with their love for you or their performance in the bedroom. In fact, he or she may be sleeping because of the sedative effects of masturbation. Research shows that seminal fluid contains a variety of compounds that have sedative-like effects on the brain and body.
However, if you find yourself waking up after sex, it’s important to talk to your partner about it. This will help them understand your energy levels and not misinterpret a burst of energy as a lack of interest in the relationship or a desire to cuddle.
4. Intimacy
Intimacy is more than just a physical bond between partners; it can include a strong emotional connection. If couples are truly intimate, they’re willing to share their most vulnerable thoughts and feelings with one another. This can include their most embarrassing failures, fears of inadequacy, and dreams for the future. Intimacy can also take the form of heart-to-heart conversations, as well as intimate gestures, like holding hands and kissing each other on the cheek.
Women are typically more likely to fall asleep after sex than men, even without orgasm. The reason for this is that the prolactin, oxytocin and vasopressin hormones released during orgasm are combined with melatonin, a sleep-inducing hormone.
While intimacy may come in a variety of forms, sexual intimacy is often considered to be the pinnacle of it. However, many couples struggle to cultivate a healthy level of intimacy. If you and your partner are struggling to feel close to one another, it’s important to seek help. You can do so by talking to a therapist or using an online counseling platform like BetterHelp.
Regardless of why you feel sleepy after sex, it’s important to listen to your body and honor its needs. If you find that you’re always tired after sex, try to get more rest during the day or plan for postcoital cuddle time.
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