Feeling nothing during sex is a common problem that can be frustrating and confusing. But with open communication, trying new things, and seeking expert advice, it’s possible to overcome these obstacles and have a satisfying sex life.
Your relationship with your partner plays a huge role in feeling sensation during sex. So if you’re not getting the arousal you need, try focusing on the other aspects of intimacy to help increase pleasure.
1. You’re not ready
Sometimes people simply aren’t ready to have sex. This can be due to a variety of factors, both physical and emotional. These can include things like hormonal imbalances, depression and anxiety, or even simply being preoccupied with work or life’s other stressors.
It’s okay if you are not ready for sex, even if your partner wants it. In fact, it’s important that you communicate this to your partner so they can understand where you are coming from and support you if needed. This doesn’t mean you don’t love them, it just means that you are not yet ready for sex.
If you are unsure of how to approach this with your partner, consider asking for help from a sex and relationship therapist. They can provide you with tools and techniques for having a healthy, satisfying sex life. They can also help you find ways to talk with your partner in a way that makes them feel heard and understood. This will strengthen your relationship in the long run. Plus, it will give you the confidence to know that you’re doing what is best for your own pleasure and theirs.
2. You’re not comfortable
Oftentimes, women feel discomfort during sex because they are distracted by their minds. It’s important to be able to tune into the sensual experience, but if you find yourself constantly thinking about your day, worries or fears then this can make it difficult for you to tune into pleasure. Practice bringing your attention back to the moment by taking deep breaths and focusing on the sensations in your body.
It’s also a good idea to check in with your partner to ensure that you are both comfortable, especially if you’re doing oral or doggy style. It’s not necessary to like every position, and it’s okay to speak up if something doesn’t feel right.
If you’re struggling to connect with pleasure in a sexual way, consider seeking professional help. A pelvic floor physical therapist or sex therapist can help you identify the cause of your disconnection and teach you techniques to overcome it. They can also refer you to a mental health therapist if needed. Anxiety, stress and depression can all have a negative impact on libido.
3. You’re stressed
For most women and [people with vulvas], there is a strong mind-body connection to pleasure during sex. If your thoughts are focused on work, the kids, or a missed phone call, it’s going to be harder for you to focus on your partner and tune into pleasurable sensations.
When you are aroused, your body is flooded with dopamine and oxytocin, hormones that produce feelings of relaxation and bonding. But if you are thinking about your to-do list, or a fight with your parents, those hormones will get diluted and the orgasm will fall flat like a groundhog.
Sometimes stress is unavoidable, but you can try to find a balance. If you are struggling, talk to your doctor about addressing your anxiety and how it may be impacting your ability to enjoy sex. A few sessions with a counselor could be the key to restoring your pleasure during intimacy. It’s a worthy investment. And if your partner is stressed, make sure to address it with them so that they can explore ways of easing your tension together.
4. You’re trying too hard
Your focus is on getting your partner aroused and you don’t enjoy your body during sex. It’s a painful and boring routine of mouth kissing, neck kissing, breast licking, rubbing tits, genital stroking, fast oral sex, quick penetration and fake orgasms. It’s a vicious cycle of trying too hard to create pleasure and it doesn’t work.
You are faking it in order to please your partner (ex. sexy noises, facial expressions, sex toys). You have a hard time saying what you want during sex and are afraid to give your true feelings in case you are judged or rejected.
You don’t love yourself enough and you’re searching for it in your relationship with your lover. You believe that you can’t find love on your own so you rely on sex to feel good about yourself. But sex is only a part of a healthy loving relationship and it can’t fill the hole in your heart. You need to sit down and heal that gap with yourself first. When you have enough love, you can share it with others and be a source of love.
5. You’re not satisfied
If you’re not reaching orgasm, it may be time to think about changing your routine. A lot of people make the mistake of thinking that they need to reach orgasm from every kind of sex, but there are certain things that are more likely to turn us on than others.
For example, if you always have vaginal sex and don’t find it very exciting, it’s probably time to mix things up. You might try using lubricants, exploring new positions, incorporating sex toys, or experimenting with different fantasies to find what works for you.
Letting your partner know that you’re not feeling satisfied in the bedroom isn’t easy, but it’s important to communicate openly and work together to come up with solutions that will help you both feel more pleasure. Whether it’s a short-term or long-term issue, by communicating effectively and seeking professional help when necessary, you can enjoy sexual satisfaction in the bedroom once again. Just remember, sex isn’t about one person making the other happy; it’s about two people combining their passions and desires to create magic.
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