Phone sex can be intimidating for some couples. But it doesn’t have to be. “Start slow with some foreplay, like talking about your favorite sex positions or sharing your kinkiest memories,” Harris says.
And remember that grammar isn’t sexy, but vivid descriptions are. Plus, moans and groans can go a long way on the phone.
1. Start Slow
Whether you’re a phone sex novice or a pro, it’s always best to start slow. Moaning softly and flirting are good ways to warm up for the dirty talk. And if you’re comfortable, you can use vibrators or a digital toy to pleasure yourself while on the phone (and have your partner enjoy watching your anal or vaginal delights).
If it feels too daunting to narrate a dirty fantasy right away, try reminiscing about a hot sexual experience you’ve both had. It’s often super steamy to talk about a shared sexual memory—and you can always keep talking until you both reach orgasm.
You can also try changing the pitch of your voice or pretending that you’re someone else to create sexy vibes over the phone. Doing some extra pampering beforehand—like having a bath, spritzing on perfume or shaving your legs—can also help you feel more confident and seductive while on the phone. And of course, putting on some sexy music can help too.
2. Talk About the Details
When it comes to phone sex, the details are everything. Clearly describing how you want to be touched and what parts of your body are most turned on can be extremely arousing for your partner.
It can be intimidating to narrate your sexual fantasies over the phone, but the more explicit your details are, the more your sexy talk will stimulate your boo’s — and your own — imagination. If you’re not sure where to start, consider reminiscing about a previous sexual experience that was particularly hot. You can also use erotica or pornography as a guide.
Remember, though, that it’s essential to maintain a respectful conversation throughout your sexual encounter. Don’t scream over the phone or insult your partner in any way. Be a good listener as well, and respond in kind to their desires and fantasies.
3. Don’t Be Afraid to Get Physical
Despite the fact that you’re not physically present, phone sex can still be pretty sensual. You can make it even more so by getting creative with your use of sound. For example, a little background noise can add a nice sexy feeling, so try crinkling your handkerchief or tapping your fingernails on a hard surface. A subtle sexy moan can also be very seductive.
It’s also a good idea to dip into your fantasy bank during a phone call. “Describe sexy settings that you’d love to be in, like public sex, sex in a car or airplane, or sex in a fancy restaurant bathroom,” deLune says.
Be sure to turn off your phone’s ringtone during this time, and wear lingerie if you want. It can also be a good idea to light some candles and put your fave sexy toys on hand, as it will help get you in the mood. You might also want to consider wearing headphones so that only your voice is heard. This way, you’ll prevent any distractions from ruining your phone sex experience.
4. Give Compliments
If you’re not much of a dirty talker or are worried about running out of things to say during phone sex, try giving your babe compliments. It can be a great way to tease them and get them in the mood. Plus, it can help you practice your sexy vocabulary and grammar, which will come in handy when it comes to talking dirty in person.
For instance, you can tell them how hot they look in their slinky lace lingerie that leaves nothing to the imagination or how their hardcore cock is giving you goosebumps. Or, you can ask them to describe their erection in detail.
But be sure to take it slow and only give compliments that your partner will appreciate. You don’t want to put them on the defensive or make them feel uncomfortable. Remember, the goal of phone sex is to pleasure each other, so it’s important to be respectful of your partner’s boundaries.
5. Don’t Be Afraid to Say No
If something feels sexually inappropriate, or if you feel uncomfortable or unsafe during phone sex, don’t be afraid to say no. This isn’t just a good idea for your safety and comfort, it’s also the right thing to do for the relationship.
While it might be tempting to try and channel Dita Von Teese or Usher during a phone sex session, you should always be yourself. Your partner isn’t going to expect you to be a sexually arousing powerhouse, and that’s not why they’re getting in touch with you.
Instead, if you’re not quite comfortable with sex talk, Michels suggests reading erotic literature together over the phone, or even just poetry or history books. This will help expand your sex vocabulary and sensuality, and it can also be a lot of fun.
Ultimately, phone sex is a fun way for long-distance couples to connect with each other and experience sex without having to leave the house. It can be awkward and uncomfortable at the beginning, but once you get into a groove, it can be pretty amazing.
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