Sex is often a stressful experience, especially for people who are already under stress from daily life. For instance, you may feel anxious about having a great orgasm or you might be worried about having your “time” interrupted.
Luckily, there are some things you can do to help yourself relax during sex and increase pleasure, connection, and intimacy.
Focus on your breath
Breathing is one of the most basic and effective ways to bring your attention back into your body, especially during moments of high sexual arousal. It can help you feel calm and connected, and can also make you more likely to have longer orgasms.
Try doing this with your partner before any act of intimacy, or even while you’re sitting chatting or lying down together. Take short, steady breaths, focusing on how your belly inflates with each inhale and deflates with each outbreath. Doing this helps your sexual energies “align and dance,” Wright says, which can lead to better orgasms and more pleasure overall.
As you continue to focus on your breath, your mind might start to wander. It’s normal! Don’t be discouraged if you have to pause your breathing for a bit to clear your head or overcome a distraction. Just keep bringing your attention back to your breath and you’ll find that it becomes easier to stay focused as the session goes on.
Another way to use your breathing to get closer to orgasm is to practice mindful masturbation by taking long, deep inhales and outhales. This technique is similar to edging, where you’ll pause your masturbation just before the point of climax in order to delay it for more intense pleasure when it does happen.
Bring your attention to your body
Practicing mindfulness can help you stay focused on pleasure during sex. This is because it can calm the nervous system and encourage you to connect with your partner. It also helps you to identify what is causing pain and anxiety, so that you can address them.
One of the easiest ways to stay present is by focusing on your breath. This is something that you can practice during the day, but it can be especially useful during sex because it will help you to relax and focus on pleasure. Another way to become more mindful is to practice touch for pleasure. This can be as simple as touching the back of your hands or your palms to one another. It can also involve sensual activities like brushing or kissing.
The key is to make it a habit to practice these techniques before sexual activity. That way, they will be easier to use during sex. Additionally, it is important to create a safe and intimate environment before sexual activities begin. This could include setting the mood, lighting candles, and making sure that pets and children are safely accounted for.
Lastly, it is important to let go of expectations. Many women focus on having an orgasm during sex, but this can actually diminish the experience. Instead, try to think about any good feelings that you are having and not focus on getting a certain type of pleasure.
Practice mindful masturbation
Whether you’re having sex solo or with a partner, practicing mindful masturbation can be an effective way to experience pleasure. It’s important to remember that the goal of mindful masturbation is to explore pleasure in different parts of your body, rather than focusing on achieving orgasm. The more you explore, the more pleasure you’ll feel.
When you’re ready to start, find a comfortable and private space where you can have your masturbation session without distraction. Set the mood by using candles, soothing music or other relaxation techniques. It’s also important to have the right supplies – lube, toys, and so on.
Start slowly, and focus on any sensations of pleasure you’re experiencing. Try touching sensitive areas of your body such as the legs, belly or neck before moving to erogenous zones like your vulva and clitoris. If your attention wanders, it’s okay – just bring it back to the sensations in your body and on your breath.
Keeping your focus on pleasure can be difficult, especially if you’re new to the practice. It can help to journal after your masturbation session, and write about the experiences that were pleasurable for you and those that weren’t. This will help you to remember your feelings and make adjustments in the future. It can also be helpful to communicate your interest in mindful masturbation with your partner, so they can help to create a more pleasurable and connected experience for you.
Practice deep breathing
If you’re having a hard time enjoying your sex experience, it might be helpful to talk about it with your partner. It can be embarrassing to bring up sexual anxiety, but it will allow you to communicate openly with your partner and work together to address it.
One way to calm your mind and focus on what’s happening in the moment is to practice deep breathing while having sex. This will help you relax, which in turn will create a more sensual and fulfilling experience for both of you.
To do this, sit comfortably and concentrate on your breath. Inhale deeply into your belly and exhale slowly. Repeat this several times until you feel a shift in your body and notice that you’re more relaxed. Once you’re comfortable with this technique, try using it during masturbation and then apply it to partnered sex. It may take some time to work out what type of breathing works best for you, so be patient and keep experimenting!
It’s normal to be nervous about sex. But if you’re so worried that you can’t enjoy the experience, then it’s probably not serving your needs. There are many reasons why you might be feeling anxious — maybe it’s your lack of confidence, a negative self-image, or even a previous trauma. Whatever the reason, if you’re not feeling pleasure during sex then it’s time to learn how to relax while having sex and discover what you really want.
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